oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
