Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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