I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
