i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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