i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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