i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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