Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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