would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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