I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize