Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
