Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
