i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
