your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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