The best revenge is premature balding
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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