Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
