I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
