Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize