He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
