I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How external is "for external use only"?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
