im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i barfeds in our rink
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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