i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
