friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
