Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
