I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
