What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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