My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
