Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
