Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I will be naked everywhere
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we're so committed to being not committed
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
