Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
