Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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