Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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