Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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