Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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