I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
