I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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