I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Randomize
