It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
