Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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