my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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