Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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