For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
