He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
