Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm having to shit out rocks
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
