Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
