Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
