she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
so much tequila, so little girl.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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