you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
