you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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