Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
