Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
