their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
