What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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