So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
