She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
