I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
