You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
