So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
