i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
