I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we're chasing vodka with high fives
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
