Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I intend to get homeless drunk
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
