Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
