My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
that may or may not have been my penis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
