The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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