I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
