My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize