This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
