Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
