Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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