I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
