Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
