first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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