I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
