In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
