You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
