I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
