My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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