we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
