After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize