I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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