dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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