So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
