I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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