I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
