I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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