I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
