he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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