Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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