You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
