Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
