i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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