fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize