walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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