i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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