just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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