I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
