Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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