I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
