She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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