I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
