I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
