I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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