Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
