the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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