im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
