Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
