i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She bit a glass in half.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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