why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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