I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
