I cockslap morals
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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