Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
