It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize