You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
