Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
